So, it's been a little while since I've shared my heart. There have been many ups and downs since that time. I'd alternate between wanting to pour my heart out and not wanting to see my heart in print. I've had some really really bad days. And then I have days where I'm so hopeful my heart could burst. At the moment I'm full of hope. Five minutes from now could be a different story. One of my greatest weaknesses is allowing circumstances to dictate how much hope I have. I read a quote just a little bit ago that said do not doubt in the dark what God promised in the light. If that doesn't describe to a "t" how I've been dealing with life lately, I don't know what does.
Yet, I don't doubt the end result. I have full confidence that God is going to answer my prayer as I have put it before Him. I trust that completely. It's the road to that answered prayer that causes me so much heartache, and doubt and fear. When I step back and gain perspective, it seems silly to allow the daily issues to overshadow the certainty that God is going to grant me the desires of my heart. But in the trenches, it gets a lot murkier. My prayer is that God would grant me that same clarity that perspective gives, even when I'm in the trenches. I want my hope to come from the faith I have in God, not what is happening around me. That way, no matter how terrible things are, I have the same hope as when things are going great.
I belong to a God that works all things together for our good. But my flesh wants to see this immediately, or I begin to doubt. I'm so thankful for a God that is gracious enough to forgive our tiny little finite minds for doubting His awesomely amazing power and love. I have been blessed in so many ways even during the trials of the past couple of years. I have made so many new friends that I love so much, and cannot imagine life without them. My church family is becoming more like real family every day. I sometimes get tiny glimpses of Heaven when we are all together and fellowship and worship together. I have been blessed well beyond what I could ever deserve, and that's because my Daddy God loves me more than I can ever imagine. How can I ever doubt that He is working behind the scenes and creating something even more amazing than I could even ask for? Ephesians 3:20-21 are such beautiful verses. "Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
I hear inside a small voice that says "I've got this, my daughter. Leave it in my hands. You'll thank me a million times over. Just. Trust. Me."
I'm trusting you, God. Through the good. Through the bad. Through the light. Through the dark. If again I'm tempted to begin doubting, help my unbelief.