I have contemplated this blog post day after day after day, and I still just don't know what to write. Life goes on around me, and nothing is different in the world. The sun still shines, the days turn to nights, and the stars still twinkle, yet my whole world has been rocked.
Even in the midst of what is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through, I have experienced the peace of God in a way I never have before, although every so often Satan will try to convince me what I feel is denial instead of faith. I know the truth though. My Father has promised me that He hears me, and that He will answer me. He's been telling me for a while that He needs to be first in my life, and enough for me, and I just didn't know how to make it happen. When He takes away what comes before Him, it becomes much easier....
When I feel like I can't take one more breath without completely shattering, He envelopes me in His arms. When the tears feel like they will never stop, He reminds me that His love never fails, never ends, and never leaves. He's so much more than I deserve, yet He loves me with a love beyond comprehension.
I thanked God today for bringing me to this place that has completely broken me. There are some attributes of God you can't fully appreciate unless you are first broken. I know that even if my marriage is never restored, He will work this all out for my good. He never promises life won't hurt, but that hurt is not wasted. Nothing catches Him by surprise, and nothing is unable to be redeemed or restored. I will cry many more tears before healing or restoration takes place, but I'm never without hope, for my hope is found in Him. And He not only understands my tears, but I believe He sheds them along with me. He's no stranger to rejection and betrayal. I'm so thankful for the humanity of Jesus. I'm thankful for Jesus, period.